NO LONGER MINE Read online

  No Longer Mine

  By

  Shiloh Walker

  Triskelion Publishing

  www.triskelionpublishing.com

  Published by Triskelion Publishing www.triskelionpublishing.com

  15508 W. Bell Rd. #101, PMB #502, Surprise, AZ 85374 U.S.A.

  First e-published by Triskelion Publishing

  First e-publishing January 2005

  ISBN 1-932866-64-7

  Copyright © Shiloh Walker 2002

  All rights reserved.

  Cover art by Triskelion Publishing

  PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters places,

  and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to

  persons living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Chapter One

  Nikki strode out of the grocery store with Jason perched on her hip as Shawn pushed the cart behind them The scent of rain hung heavy on the air. Grim, overcast skies had been hovering over them for days, while everybody hoped for rain.

  Looks like the farmers are going to get the rain want, and then some, Nikki mused as she secured the straps on the baby’s car seat. With a muttered curse, she said, “I knew damn good and well that if I washed the car, it would rain”

  As Shawn unloaded the groceries into the back of the truck, he smirked at her and asked, “Then why did you it?”

  “Because we needed the rain,” she replied drolly. “There’s been a drought, or haven’t you noticed?”

  How could you not notice? All around, the normally lush Cumberland Lake area showed signs the dry summer, browned grass, dying crops…farmers suffering.

  “Why couldn’t this rain have come a few months ago?” she asked ab­sently as she handed Jason his stuffed mouse. Casting Shawn a quick glance, she said, “Hurry up and get in already.”

  As she slid into the driver’s seat, flattened drops of rain splattered the hood of the car.

  An eerie silence fell as Nikki prayed silently the worst would hold off until they got home. The radio came on she turned the ignition, just in time to hear the DJ warn of severe weather. “Now you tell me,” she muttered. “Always a day late and a dollar short.”

  Then Nikki glared at the skies as the clouds burst, dousing the parking lot under a deluge of water.

  “Don’t sweat it, Nik,” Shawn advised. “We can just wait it out at Dad’s.”

  With a sigh, she said, “I guess we have to. I’m not driving thirty miles in this.”

  From the backseat, she could hear Jason jabbering to himself. Dogs, dogs, over and over again while he played with a tattered stuffed mouse. He chewed busily on the remaining ear. Flicking Shawn a glance, she ordered, “Put your seat belt on, will ya?”

  Rolling his eyes, he fastened the lap belt and drawled, “Yes’m.” He gave Jason a look in the mirror, circling his finger at his temple. The baby laughed and clapped his hands before launching into a long and detailed monologue with his friend, Mouse.

  Hazel eyes squinted, Nikki stared through the windshield, blocking out the noise of the rain and her son’s jabbering. Even though she drove with the lights on and blocked out everything but the road, she could hardly see anything.

  Twenty passed and she still wasn’t to her dad’s. The store wasn’t even ten minutes from there, but that was under normal driving conditions.

  Growling with frustration, she snapped, “I can’t see a damn thing in this!”

  The rumble of thunder edged closer. Lightening flashed

  “You’re almost there, sis. It’s just up there”

  She spotted the turn off as Shawn spoke. “Almost there, fella,” she said as Jason started shrieking, “Eat! Momma, eat!”

  “Just a few minutes, Jas—”

  Thrown forward, a blinding pain struck her head, a loud crash filled her ears. A blaring noise rent the air, but above it, she heard a baby’s panicked startled cry.

  From the passenger seat next to her, Shawn swore viciously, reaching for the door handle.

  “Jason!” she tried to scream, her voice was garbled, choked. Blood filled her mouth and a red haze clouded her vision.

  Instinctively, she slammed on the brakes, wrenched the steering wheel to the right, towards safety, away from that deep drop off to the left—

  Another jolt struck her truck, throwing her back, pinned against the seat as the world started to spin before her. Above the roaring in her ears, she heard thunder and the screech­ing sound of metal against metal. Then all was silent.

  It was less than a minute before the Blazer came to rest at the foot of the thirty-foot embankment, upright, but totally destroyed.

  Nearly a half an hour passed before she regained consciousness, waken­ing to the sound of birdsong. The air was clear, the sky blue, and rain drops sparkled under the sun as it dripped from emerald green leaves.

  She came to slowly, something warm and wet trickling down her face, a grayish white lay blob lay in her lap. The air bag. Her vision loomed in and out of focus as she tried to force her body to move. It didn’t want to, but slowly, awkwardly, she lifted her hand to her brow. Under her fingers, she felt torn, wet flesh and numbly, she pulled her hand away, staring down at the blood that stained her fingers.

  “My God,” she whispered, her voice shaking, hoarse.

  In the seat next to her, Shawn lay unconscious, a large swollen knot on his temple. She touched him, sighing in relief when she felt the movement of his chest under her hand

  Her baby. Oh, God, please, she prayed as she fought and struggled to free herself.

  Please God, please.

  The emergency release on the seat belt gave and she twisted to see in the back seat, hardly able to get her head high enough above the seat to be able to see. Everything was blurred, out of focus.

  Where are my glasses? she wondered numbly

  She couldn’t see her baby. She shoved and pushed at the driver’s side door, but it wouldn’t move. Panicked, she shifted until she could use her legs against it. She thrust her legs against the door, again and again. Jammed tight, it didn’t want to open but finally, with a hideous grinding sound, it gave way. The back door came open surprisingly easy, simply pull­ing away when she jerked on it desperately.

  Something was wrong. His neck…

  He was so still.

  “No,” she whispered, her voice soundless. Gently, lovingly, she reached for him. His sweet smelling baby flesh had already started to cool. A tiny bit of blood had dried beneath his right ear, another dried track below his left nostril.

  Somehow, she freed him from his car seat, the seat that was supposed to help keep him safe. Stumbling away from the wreckage, she made it only ten feet before her knees gave way and she collapsed. Tiny whimpering noises filled her ears but she didn’t realize it was her own voice.

  He was gone. Skills learned long ago were useless as she tried to breathe life back into his tiny lungs. Compress, compress, compress, breathe. Over and over. She huddled there, hoping against hope, pray­ing. Agonizing moments later, she realized the futility of her efforts. His neck was broken. Even she could see that.

  Jason was gone. His precious little face was still, peaceful. Thick soft black hair fell over his forehead and gently, she brushed it back, praying her touch would startle him out of his sleep.

  He didn’t move.

  Her head fell back and her unseeing eyes locked on a clear blue sky.

  The storm had passed. Rain water continued to drip from the leaves. The forest floor around her was wet. Birds were singing and the air was clean and fresh. Squirrels were chattering in the background and leaves rustled as various forest creatures rooted around. There had rarely been an afternoon this picturesq
ue. This beautiful. Beneath the trees, she rocked him back and forth to a tune she could only hear in her mind as she held him cradled to her breast. A thousand pictures flashed through her mind, each one causing a shard of pain to lance through her. He couldn’t be gone.

  Christmas was only a few months away.

  And his second birthday.

  She had never taught him how to swim.

  Never taught him how to ride a bike.

  She had promised to take him to Disneyland.

  She had never had the chance to tell him about his father.

  He couldn’t be gone.

  An inhuman wail filled the air, startling the forest around her into silence. Her throat burned, her chest ached and before she realized she had made that god awful sound of denial and desperation, her head fell back and she cried out a second time.

  And then, mercifully, a black curtain fell over her eyes and she remem­bered nothing else.

  Chapter Two

  July

  Three Years Later

  The house was silent, save for the monotonous clacking of fingers hitting the keyboard. Eyes racing over the screen, tongue darting out to dampen her lips, Nikki painted a scene for her readers with words and twists of phrase. Her eyes narrowed and she bit her lip once in sympathy as her hero took a slice from an enchanted sword in his unprotected side.

  And when Daire of Dien conquered yet again, against all odds, she smiled with him in shared victory.

  But now that the ideas were put down on paper, her daze left her, and she realized…she hurt. The headache had been brewing for some time, but she ignored it in favor of the story.

  Nikki hit save, her mouth stretching wide with a yawn. Updating the CD copy, she finally shut down and gave into the urge to bury her head in her hands.

  The demon headache throbbed behind her eyes, nausea churning in her belly. Her hands were shaking. “Idiot,” she mumbled. “Deserve what you get for trying to ignore it.”

  She fumbled in the drawer for a familiar bottle and downed a pill dry before she stumbled over to the couch in the corner. She buried her face in her arms to cut off the fading light and prayed for oblivion.

  When she woke, it was after midnight. Even though the headache had subsided, a million other body parts protested as she sat up. Stiff shoulders and back screeched and her stomach growled loudly.

  Damn it, how long ago did I eat? she wondered.

  She shuffled and stumbled her way to the kitchen, much like a man after a few drinks too many. With a scowl, she rubbed her elbow after she bumped into the wall a second time. Tomorrow, she promised. Tomorrow, I’ll take a break. Wouldn’t go into her office even for a second, not even to proof read today’s work.

  Her refrigerator was bare, except for a nearly empty gallon of expired orange juice and a plate of chicken her dad had made her bring home three days earlier. In the corner was something on a plate that reminded her of her science experiment in ninth grade. The store was a definite must for the upcoming day off.

  Wrinkling her nose, pitched the juice, the science experiment and what was left of the chicken before heading for the stairs. She’d skip dinner, eat a big breakfast once she got to town tomorrow.

  She paused by the huge floor to ceiling windows that graced the landing of the stairs She never tired of the view, not after spending the first eigh­teen years of her life in a concrete jungle. Outside, stars shone brightly down, huge, diamond bright and looking close enough to touch.

  Heavy eyes and drifting mind refused to allow her much time to appreciate the view now. Her nights of catnaps and the migraine had caught up with her and she was ready to crash, but the bed would be a lot more comfortable than the couch.

  As she walked through her bedroom, she stripped down to her skin. She didn’t notice the svelte figure, even though she had dieted and exercised religiously through her teenage years, trying to lose that extra twenty pounds.

  It was ironic, now that the weight was gone, Nikki couldn’t care less. After all, she hadn’t a soul to impress, now did she?

  Her thick auburn curls floated around her face as she pulled off her shirt. A pleasant round face was set off by wide hazel eyes and a full generous mouth. A lone dimple was visible beneath the left corner of her mouth when the rare smile appeared. Though she was only five foot three, she had a strong athletic figure, her shoulders slightly broader than normal for a woman, a bust of bigger than average size and full hips. Her waist had slimmed down over the years as her appetite faded to nothing, giving her the longed for hourglass figure that she hid now in baggy jeans and even baggier shirts.

  She paused by the sink long enough to open the medicine cabinet and down a small yellow pill dry before she turned on the water.

  Within minutes, hot steamy water fogged the air and she sighed with relief as her sore muscles stopped yelling at her.

  While she rinsed off, though, her blissfully blank mind turned traitor, and memories rose up, rushing at her like freight train, unstoppable, unasked for. Unwelcome.

  Time wasn’t healing her wounds. Wasn’t it supposed to?

  God, she pleaded silently. Will it ever get any easier? Some days were better than others, passing with not even thinking of him. But then there were the days like this, when she was worn out, tired, without defense, the memories just lying in wait for her to be off guard, so they could lunge out at her.

  The pain was just as shattering now as it had been then. It clawed at her, filling her chest, then belly with hot lancing little darts of pain. Her throat constricted until crying was punishment, but she had no control over the tears that swam in her eyes, the sobs that filled her throat.

  With the water pounding down around her, she slid down the shower wall to huddle in the corner, wrapping her arms around her shivering naked body. She thought wildly, it has to get better. It has to. Sometime.

  Then…

  Peering out the window, she saw him. Less than an hour ago, the guy had climbed out of an electric blue Thunderbird, a grin on his mouth as he called out the guys lounging on the porch.

  Her gaze fastened on the naked back that gleamed under a sheen of sweat, the muscles that flexed and moved under skin the color of teak as he carefully backed away from the rental truck. Hands gripped the underside of a ratty couch, biceps bulging under the strain. As she watched, he tossed his head, sending a sweaty hank of hair out of his eyes.

  Oh, he was gorgeous.

  Fifteen years old, he was the first guy to really catch her interest, right from the start. One look at him had her young heart fluttering.

  He laughed a lot, worked hard. From the look of it, he was Native American, with blue-black hair, high cheekbones, and dark smooth skin. He wore his longish hair in a loose queue, and a flashing white grin lit his face often.

  But she didn’t know his name.

  And she probably never would.

  To her surprise, and embarrassment, she found out that night while ringing up groceries. Without registering who he was, she quickly rang up his items, flashing him a polite, impersonal smile as she asked, “Did you find everything you needed?”

  He answered, but she didn’t hear a word. Even before she had even looked up, that low, smooth voice had her shivering. And when she looked up to take the offered money, words froze in her throat. Her cheeks flushed red and she shifted from one foot to the other as he studied her with quizzical eyes.

  A six-pack of beer plopped down on the conveyor belt, and she jumped. Another voice intruded on her mind as somebody loudly said, “Hey, Wade, get this for me. I’ll pay ya back later.”

  Wade. His name was Wade. Still in a daze, she rang up the beer, totally forgetting the little law that said minors couldn’t sell. And she doubted, later, he was old enough to drink. Nevertheless, she added it to the bill, took his money, dropped change into his hand all without speaking another word.

  Chocolate brown eyes, a voice quiet and smooth, with a soft southern accent…He was absolutely beautiful. And she thought w
ith disgust, he thought she was some kind of retard.

  * * *

  “Sonovabitch!” she screeched as she went flying through the air. Landing hard on her back, she gasped for air, laying on the ground, panicking, unable to move a muscle, unable to breathe.

  Oh, God, no. I’m paralyzed… Blood roared in her ears and her head spun dizzily the minute she tried to raise it. Distantly, she heard tires squeal and a door slam shut, but it hardly registered. Black dots danced in front of her eyes and a black cloud rolled over her.

  She came to immediately but her thoughts stuttered to a halt at the face that was just inches from her own. I’ve died and gone to heaven, she thought. Either that, or she was dreaming. She tried to speak, but couldn’t.

  Instinctively, she tried to get up and move, but a gentle, firm hand held her still by pressing on her shoulder.

  “Hold still, kid,” he murmured. “You forgot to use your wings when you took that flight.”

  Finally her throat unlocked and she croaked out,” What happened?”

  A new voice said, “Some kids were joyriding and ran you clear off the road. Do you remember?”

  She turned her head and met the eyes of one of the movers. Closing her eyes, she forced herself to think. It hurt to do that “Yeah. I remember.” She remembered, all right. A loud engine coming entirely too close as she turned her head to look, she panicked. She must have jerked the wheel to the right.

  She also remembered the gleeful grins on two very familiar faces.

  “Don’t worry. Wade here got the license plate.” The older man smiled, a kindly face with a voice just as quiet as Wade’s. “We’ll be sure and let the cops know.”

  Again, disoriented, she tried to move once again, but that hand still held her shoulder. “Lie still,” he ordered. “The ambulance will be here any minute. You shouldn’t move.”

  It was easier just to obey, so she did. “My bike?”

  Somebody grunted, bones popping as the older man moved away. Then he called out, “Flat tire in front. Rim’s warped but the bike is okay. What about you?”